I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
