he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
