ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
