she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
