I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
