When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
