I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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