Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
