Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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