i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Bring me that man meat
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
