Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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