You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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