I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
