The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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