xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
