when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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