My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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