My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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