Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
