Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
