I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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