Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
