Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
