I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
