so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
