I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
