do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
