I am puke
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
