Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
