Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
