I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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