ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
