my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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