I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
