Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
