Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
