dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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