Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
