her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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