She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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