no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
