its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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