thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
