dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
