After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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