he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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