he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
