Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
