Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
