her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She bit a glass in half.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
