I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I fill condoms, not promises.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
