dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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